As the best ones always do, a friend confronted me today with a simple, repeated question. Brad, what is your motive? What is your motive? It caught me completely off guard, and it made me think far beneath all the justifications and excuses I keep on hand for my choices.
A Swift Kick Where It Counts
Asking about the motive was a swift kick right where it counts, because I had been telling myself a story that conveniently justified my behavior. We all keep a few of those stories on the shelf, ready to grab the moment someone questions us. But when you dig all the way down to the bottom of things, the motive is exactly what a man has to keep in check. Not the story he tells about the action. The why underneath it, the part nobody else can see.
I think I stumbled onto some real wisdom tonight, so I will pass it along. What if, before every action, or at least before every major move, we forced ourselves to get honest about the motivation behind it? Not the rationalization we would offer if someone questioned us. The actual reason. What is the real why driving what you are about to do?
A Clean Motive Is Hard to Argue With
So much of our self sabotage hides inside unexamined motives. We do the right thing for the wrong reason, or we do the wrong thing dressed up in a noble story we half believe. But a clean motive is hard to argue with, and a corrupt one usually cannot survive being said out loud. That is the whole power of the question. It drags the real reason into the light, where it either holds up or falls apart.
What is your motive? I will be sitting with that question in my own life, and I will be using it with my clients a whole lot more. Try asking it of yourself before your next big decision, and answer honestly. The answer will tell you more about yourself than you expect, and sometimes more than you want to know.