Twelve years ago I checked myself into a hospital. I was on multiple substances, I was in continuous suicidal pain, and I had a method in my truck. That is not a story I tell lightly. I tell it because someone needs to hear it from a real person who lived through it.
I'm still here. That matters. And because I'm still here, I've been able to be present for other things, including the devastating loss of my brother-in-law, a 25-year-old Afghanistan combat veteran who died by suicide. His death broke a lot of people who loved him. That loss never fully goes away.
The Weight That Men Carry Alone
Men are notoriously bad at asking for help when the pain gets that deep. We're taught to push through, hold it together, not burden anyone else. And so we carry it. We carry it quietly, and sometimes we carry it right to the edge.
Suicide is the eighth leading cause of death in Nevada. Across the country, men die by suicide at nearly four times the rate of women. Those are not abstract numbers. Those are brothers, fathers, veterans, and friends. Men who needed someone to talk to and didn't find the door open in time.
I've walked with others in remembrance of the people we've lost to this. Both times it was a powerful experience. There's something real about standing with other people who understand what it means to lose someone to this kind of pain, and about standing with people who almost became that loss themselves.
Saying the Quiet Part Out Loud
Here's what I want you to hear: it is okay to not be okay. You do not have to perform strength when you are falling apart. The strongest thing you can do when you are that low is open your mouth and say it to another human being.
Talk about it. To a friend. To a therapist. To a crisis line. To someone in your circle who you know can hold it. The act of saying the words out loud breaks something loose. It takes the thought out of the dark place where it grows and brings it into the light where it can be addressed.
If you are in that place right now, call or text 988. That's the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, and someone will answer. If you know someone who is struggling, ask them directly. Asking doesn't plant the idea. Asking opens the door.
I'm still here. You should be too. Talk about it.