Let me give you the direct version because the people who need to hear this don't need it softened. Women have specific patterns that damage relationships with men, and men have specific patterns that damage relationships with women. Neither side gets a pass. Both sides have work to do. And that work starts internally before it starts interpersonally.
The problems are almost never about the other person. They're about what you're bringing, or not bringing, to the space between you.
Where Women Go Wrong
The pattern I see most consistently in women who are struggling in their relationships: they are closed, critical, and controlling. This isn't about character assassination. These patterns usually develop for completely understandable reasons, past hurts, unmet needs, a history of men who weren't safe or reliable. But understanding the origin doesn't make the pattern less damaging.
A woman who is closed shuts her partner out of her emotional world. A woman who is critical chips away at his sense of capability and worth. A woman who is controlling removes the space for him to actually lead. And when those three patterns combine, a man either shuts down, disappears into himself, or starts to dominate and grasp for control, because his sense of being respected is evaporating.
The foundation she needs to build first is self-love. Not as a cliche, but as a genuine practice of trusting herself enough that she doesn't need to control everything around her. From that place, she can open, trust him, and let him show up. If he can't and never has and shows no sign of it, that's important information. Know when to walk.
Where Men Go Wrong
For men, the failure modes cluster around two poles: the disengaged doormat and the overly dominant controller. The doormat swallows everything, avoids conflict, has no frame, allows disrespect, and slowly disappears. The dominant one uses force where leadership is called for, substituting control for genuine authority. Both fail her. Both fail themselves.
The foundation a man needs is self-respect. Not ego, not arrogance, but a genuine knowledge of his own worth that doesn't depend on her approval or mood. From that foundation, he can cherish her with devoted, loving leadership. He can hold the space, stay calm when she's not, and consistently show up as the kind of man she can actually trust and respect.
If she can't or won't trust a man who is genuinely trustworthy, or respect a man who has clearly earned respect, then he has to be honest with himself about whether that relationship is workable. Love isn't enough if the fundamental dynamic is broken and nobody is willing to look at it.
The real work in any relationship is always internal first. Self-respect and self-love aren't starting points for selfishness. They're the prerequisites for genuine connection. Get right with yourself, and then bring that to the relationship. It changes everything.