I wanted girls too. I just did not get any. And now, having raised six boys, I am not sure I would have known what to do with a daughter anyway. Boys I understand. Boys I can work with. And these six have made me want to be better every single day.
Fatherhood is the best blessing I have ever received. I say that as someone who has had a lot of blessings and a lot of messes, and who is clear-eyed about both. Nothing in my life has asked more of me, shaped me more, or given me more reason to keep working on myself than being a dad.
These boys have played on national championship teams. They have performed alongside celebrities in concerts. They have taught themselves extraordinary things that I never had to show them. They have challenged me in conversations where they knew more than I did and were not shy about it. They are impressive human beings in ways that have nothing to do with me and everything to do with who they chose to become.
They Have Seen My Best and My Worst
Here is the part I do not skip over, because honesty matters more than image. My sons have learned from my best moments. They have also put up with some of my worst behavior, and for that I will spend the rest of my days making amends and demonstrating that people can change. Even me. That is not a small thing to model for your kids. Watching a flawed man own his mistakes and keep trying anyway teaches something that no perfect parent ever could.
Right now, in this season, I would change nothing about them. Their love for each other is solid. They are respectful and courageous. Their morals and judgment are sound. They are strong in ways that range from physical to emotional to spiritual, and the variety of their strengths is something I love to watch unfold.
What Fatherhood Actually Requires
Fatherhood requires you to keep becoming. Not just for your own sake, but because your kids are watching you constantly and building a model of what a man is based largely on what they see in you. If you coast, they learn to coast. If you grow, they learn that growth is what men do. If you own your failures instead of burying them, they learn that accountability is strength rather than shame.
I did not always get this right. I still do not always get it right. But I am showing up, and I am trying to make the gap between who I am and who I want to be smaller every year. My sons deserve that effort. So do yours.
If you have kids, whether boys or girls, whether they are young or grown, the work is the same. Be present. Be honest about your failures. Keep improving so they can see improvement is possible. Love them out loud. Their sense of what a man looks like is being formed right now, in real time, by watching you. Make it worth watching.