Summer brings such mixed feelings for people, it seems.  Kids are loving life without the rigors of schoolwork and parents are often stressed about the demands brought on by their children being unoccupied for 3 months.  Younger children just need to have things to keep them busy but teenagers need to use this time to continue their most important developmental task during this time of their lives: identity development. Here are some suggestions for things to encourage your teens to do during the summer:

1. Learn to Drive. What’s up with kids not wanting to drive these days?  Maybe it is the fear of parents, but I find a much higher percentage of eligible drivers are not even pursuing their driver’s license.  I often hear parents say that their teen is “not responsible enough.”  There is no more significant way, in my opinion, for 15, 16, and 17 year-olds to learn responsibility than to learn how to operate a vehicle.  Yes, kids can be impulsive and exercise poor judgement at times, but allowing them to get behind the wheel begins to help them exercise the mind-muscles of better decision-making and thinking through complex situations.
2. Get Outside. We are losing this generation to electronics.  This is not just an opinion; it is a heart-wrenching fact.  Let them stimulate all of their senses, not just mental input from games that just make them believe they are doing X, Y, or Z. Let them get sweaty, dirty, and get them back on their bikes, skateboards, and dribbling a basketball or playing golf.  Have your Saturday evening meals outside.  Get a fire pit (or make one) and roast marshmallows in you back yard.  This kind of thing will create memories that will last forever.
3. Read. Is there any better way to keep reading skills fresh than to read WITH them?  Even if you’re not reading together, aloud, and in the same room, pick some books to read and have your own mini-book club within your family.  Visit the library, go to book stores, let them get four books at a time.  Have them spend an hour a day just reading.
4. Spend Time With Friends. When teens are trying to develop their sense of individuality and identity, the social feedback they get from their friends can be empowering.  Parents can tell their sons and daughters they are handsome or pretty or funny, but that means almost nothing compared to when they get those messages from their peers.  Learning to adapt to varying social circumstances gives kids a strong sense of strength and freedom to know they are desirable and interpersonally attractive, and—sometimes—how to improve their social skills for the future. Challenge them to have four major activities with friends: birthday parties, a day at the water park, carnivals, or Fourth of July events where they can involve their friends.
5. Swim. One of the things that too many people are unable to do is live in the moment.  If there is too much idle time, teens especially can get lost in the abstract thinking that isn’t grounded enough in reality.  When you’re swimming, there is almost no possible way not to be in the moment.  I have often asked my clients, especially in the summer, when was the last time they went swimming.  Invariably, the depressed and anxious folks almost never do that.  Strange coincidence, maybe, or perhaps that’s the very kind of activity to ward of depression and worry.
6. Work for Money. If identity development is the most important task for teens, earning money is a strong dose of self-esteem.  Learning that work equals tangible benefits is something that even school can’t teach.  Help them find some work, either in your own home or with a neighbor and if they’re old enough, in a proper place of employment.  Babysitting, yard work, special deep-cleaning projects and other work for hire can give adolescents a great boost of self-worth.
7. Travel. You’re probably noticing a pattern here.  IF people want to feel good, they have to be doing things.  Go somewhere new.  I’m not talking about international travel or expensive air-travel.  Go to Lake Mead, Mt. Charleston, the Hoover Dam, the Grand Canyon, Zion National Park, Big Bear, or other places. Make a few day trips with your kids and use the travel time to talk.  Let them teach you something about who they are and what embryonic genius resides within them, all while stimulating their senses with the sights and sounds of novelty or the traditions you can create.
8. Visit Family. Get them with their cousins.  See the grandparents who may live far away.  Send them off for a week to connect with their roots.  There is nothing like seeing both the similarities and differences your teens have with their relatives that can help them come to a better sense of who they really are at the deepest levels.
9. Learn Something New. Help your kids keep their brains in learning mode.  Even if it’s not geometry or Spanish, help them discover fun new skills that can open doors for new hobbies, future career options, or just cool ways of using their time that enriches their understanding of the world.  My kids want to make Christmas gifts for each other this year.  We will have them draw names and make the gift during the summer.  They have plans for woodworking projects and other creative endeavors like things involving photography, graphic design, video production, and even though I have all boys, sewing and little furniture projects.
10. Maintain a Good Sleep Schedule. Many kids (and parents) feel there is nothing wrong with letting their teens stay up super late and sleep in every morning during the summer.  The thing I don’t like about this is that they get in the habit of thinking “if there is nothing to do tomorrow, I can just kind of waste my time.”  Make there be something for them to do tomorrow, early in the morning.

Sure, some down-time is good for them, too.  But make a summer bucket-list or put some activities in a jar that they can pick from every day.  Staying active will keep them from being grouchy and keep their identity development moving in a positive direction.  Have a great summer!

I was recently inspired by a 70-year-old client who was dealing with boredom in retirement.  Someone suggested she use meditation and she tried it but found she was already to “internal.”  She felt she needed to G.O.A.L. (get out and live).  She volunteered with a program through UNLV.  She started a walking group with other members in her retirement community.  She starting going to $5 movies on Tuesdays.  She realized that the happiest time in her life was when she was the busiest.  You have to be waking up and going somewhere.  Wake up and leave your house and you’ll be happier.

It’s time to break free of the imaginary chains you put upon yourself! Isolation is a punishment handed down to prisoners who commit infractions and many of us voluntarily place those constraints on ourselves. Though introverts have a hard time opening up and exploring all that daily life has to offer, it’s easier than it seems. You’ve got to get out and live each day to the fullest. Ideally, you should be getting at least 4 hours of time spent outside of the home every day, especially if you’re not working. And that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to go broke spending money on expensive experiences. There are plenty of things you can do right now that don’t cost a thing. Here are some ideas to help you get the recommended four hours per day away from the comforts of your “safe place” (aka home).

1. Go for a walk around the neighborhood
2. Visit a local park and bask in sunshine
3. Head to the mall to “window” shop
4. Stop by a nearby library to see what’s new
5. Browse aisles of home improvement stores
6. Take the dog out for a walk or a quick hike
7. Exercise outdoors – Do some yoga in the park
8. Sit in a parking lot of your favorite store and watch people come and go

See, there’s lots you can do without having a big budget to work with. A few other recommendations include checking out bulletin boards and community calendars to discover new events, workshops and classes. Chances are your community already hosts festivals and functions year-round. If not, why not get involved by volunteering or putting together a group of organizers. Meetup.com is a directory of people’s gatherings and lists just about any kind of activity you can imagine. One client was in to astral projection and he found a group through MeetUp.

Leave fear behind – go out and get to know your neighbors. Just remember you don’t have to force yourself to be a social butterfly. Occasionally venture outside of your comfort zone and you’ll be surprised at how your life improves. The worst thing you can do is stay home and never talk to anyone. Get. Out. And. Live.

Tonight I (re)learned a powerful truth. My wife’s truck wouldn’t start.  We’ve been fortunate enough to not have major car troubles for a long time but tonight I thought our luck had changed for the worst. She was off to a meeting and when she went to start her Yukon XL, our massive 8-seater SUV, it wouldn’t crank.  When she called I was immediately worried that even if it was something as simple as a dead battery it could mean a minimum of $120 to get her back up and running. I tried to jump start it with my truck, no dice. I started Googling and watching YouTube videos about what could be happening.  Was it the starter?  The alternator?  My teenage memories of working as an auto-service tech in our family’s service station came back to me and I recalled my father’s wisdom on such things, but wasn’t able to figure it out. My son was with me: my 14-year-old sidekick who always brings a positive attitude and good luck. After about half an hour, he suggested we pray and so I asked him if he would do that.  Every time we’ve been in this situation and he’s remembered that, miracles have occurred.  Seriously.  Tonight was no different. It took a while but what I found out was that the issue was due to the most unlikely culprit: a 2-amp fuse.   I was reading things that mentioned the possibility that the ignition switch could have been bad.  Or the electronic control module.  Or the on-board computer.  I was reading that some of these could cost up to $500 to fix.  Despair was starting to set in. I knew that I should start with the smallest things: fuses.  I bought a fuse tester and tested all the big ones that were suggested.  The 40-amp starter fuse, the 25-amp ignition fuse, and all the rest, including a 175 amp “mega” fuse.  I skipped over and over the smallest one, this little gray 2 amp fuse and I was certain that could not be it. I was wrong. This repair cost me $4.99. It just didn’t make any sense.  This was the smallest fuse in the entire vehicle and the only one this size. After it was all done, I had remembered that in church today a speaker spoke of “small and simple things” often having the most important impact in our lives.  In this case, it was the tiniest of electrical parts on a ginormous automobile used to transport our family of eight. I also remembered my son’s faith and his little prayer, invoking the Almighty to help us. What a significant thought, that by small and simple means, great things can come to be.  Sometimes it is the prayer of a child.  Sometimes a kind word, a thoughtful gesture to a stranger, a tiny dose of medication, a mindful approach to food and sleep, a seemingly insignificant amount of effort, or a teeny little fuse that you can buy with the spare change in your cup holder can get you powered back up again on on the road to where you’re going. I am so thankful that this wasn’t some huge and expensive ordeal and I will have to remember that so often it is the littlest of things that make all the difference. What small things are keeping your engine from running like it should?  

Health IS Happiness

Ever noticed how sick you feel every time you’re stressed or worried? Your entire body suffers. Even the slightest pain gets worse. This goes both ways. When you’re ill, you can’t focus anymore and your mind starts wandering. Anxiety, depression, and mood swings affect your daily life and worsen your symptoms.

Health and happiness are strongly connected. A healthy mind, healthy body connection is the key to a fulfilling life. By taking care of your health, you’re putting yourself on the path to success and well-being.

The Happiness-Health Connection

Decades ago, good health was defined as the state of being free from illness. Today, it has a more complex meaning. According to science, it’s a state of complete emotional, physical, and social well-being, not just the absence of disease.

When you’re healthy, you’re happy – and vice-versa. Ancient cultures understood the notion of a Sound Mind in a Sound Body. Modern research confirms this connection.

Let’s take stress, for instance.

This lifestyle factors affects you both emotionally and physically. Chronic stress raises the hormone cortisol levels in your body, leading to a myriad of problems. It’s a major contributing factor to heart disease, weight gain, insulin resistance, high blood pressure, pain, and inflammation.

Stress affects your brain too. It plays a key role in the onset of depression, anxiety, fatigue, and sleep disorders.

Furthermore, it increases the risk of addictions and impacts your mood. Under these conditions, you cannot be happy. Over time, you lose interest in the things you once loved. Nothing motivates you anymore, and everything seems pointless.

As we have mentioned earlier, the relationship between health and happiness goes both ways. When your emotions are out of balance, so is your body.

Experts agree that most diseases have a mental component. For example, studies have found that people with severe mental illness are prone to many different physical health problems and have a shorter lifespan compared to healthy individuals.

Irritable bowel syndrome, heart disease, chronic pain, hypertension, and psoriasis are all considered psychosomatic disorders. Stress, anxiety, and other psychological factors can trigger flare-ups or worsen their symptoms. For instance, many IBS suffers experience increased pain and digestive distress during times of stress.

Taking care of your body is just as important as taking care of your mental well-being. Physical and emotional health go hand in hand.

Simple Steps to a Healthy Body and Mind

Now that you understand the happiness-health connection, take the steps needed to boost your well-being. Simple lifestyle changes, such as cleaning up your diet and practicing meditation, can make all the difference.

Emphasize good nutrition and exercise. Ditch the junk from your diet and eat whole, “real” foods. Leafy greens, fresh fruit, nuts, seeds, lean meat, and wild-caught fish should come first on your list.

Next, make exercise a habit. We’re not talking about endless workouts or fancy gym machines. Find an activity that you enjoy, and stick to it. Brisk walking, jogging, Yoga, Pilates, strength training, swimming are all an excellent choice. Remember that consistency is the key.

Adopt a positive mindset and stop stressing over every little thing. Make time for the things you love and learn to say No when you have too much on your plate. Get more rest so your body can heal and function at its peak.

Take a break from your daily routine once in a while. Be kind to yourself and practice gratitude. Do whatever it takes to relax and keep stress at bay, whether it’s reading, sleeping, or spending time with your loved ones.

It’s in your power to stay healthy and happy. Make these changes now. Your future self will thank you.

I have often asked my clients to create for themselves a mission statement. I’ve never shared this before but here is mine. I encourage everyone to define their values, figure out what is important to you and write it down. Making this video was just one way for me to further reinforce what is important to me. I hope you enjoy it.

Let me also add that I am still very much a work in progress, myself. This is not some narcissistic, braggadocios claim; this is simply what I demand of myself, what I am working toward.