11 Ways to Turn Your Man Into The Typical Man
out to surge into an area that will likely gain me some haters. Good. Bring it.
I’m not talking about a new area of discussion just in this article; I’m talking about in my whole life. In my career.
I want to talk about men, and what’s wrong with men, and what’s right with men, and what the people who love them need to know.
I am frequently encountering two common characteristics in the clients I see in my counseling and coaching practice. I’ll describe these in my two “typical” clients.
- The first is a woman who is fed up with the failures of her man.
- The second is a man who is feeling powerless.
I hear the partners of these failing men use the derogatory description that he is being “a typical man.”
So, what is a typical man and how does he become that way?
I’d say that the following describes what people see as the awful and “typical” man:
- Selfishness, taking advantage of others, buying toys for himself and “forgetting” gifts for others
- Dishonest, often deceptive
- Trying to get out of responsibilities, making excuses
- Disloyal, maybe cheating
- Childish, goofy and never serious
Maybe there are other characteristics, but that is not my purpose here. I want to talk about the accidental contributors to these kinds of things and how to know men more fully and how to prevent the external perpetuation of these kinds of behaviors and attitudes.
- Begin with a Lack of Trust. Assume he is lying and scour through everything he has ever owned for any slightest cue that he ever had feelings for other people. Go through his middle-school yearbooks even, to see who signed it and then become a private investigator into the social media of all the girls whose yearbook picture he highlighted, confront him about that, and question him like he is the Taliban and your next step is waterboarding. That will teach him to be SUPER secretive and sneaky.
- Tell Him All of the Things You Don’t Like About Him. That will be sure to inspire his decline into typical behavior. Tell him he is selfish. Instead of telling him he’s your “big strong man,” tell him he is a piece of $#!+. Disrespect him verbally. That’ll help him become the typical man in no time.
- Assault His Problem Solving. Assume he doesn’t know how to do things. Ask your dad for help with your car, first. Tell him you need to call a plumber instead of trying to see if he can fixed the clogged toilet. That will make him feel that you value the abilities of other men before him. Total buzz kill. He wants to be your hero.
- Watch His Eyes in Public and Attack Him for Seeing Attractive People. Let your own insecurities about your looks be projected onto him in an angry attack. And be sure to only notice him looking at hot girls, and fail to notice that he also looks at men, old people, fat people, and everyone else. We are visual creatures and wired for protectiveness. When we are in public, we are scanning everything. But if your tension rises every time an attractive woman (or man) walks by, and you quickly notice him simply “seeing” another woman, you are probably failing to see him also look the unattractive person up and down as well. He is looking for information. And while men are visually stimulated in a sexual sense far more deeply than women, don’t go assuming that he is being shady and ridiculously over-sexual in public.
- Assume the Worst. Without knowing what is actually going on, assume that he has made a mistake before there is ever any indicator of that. Pretend you’re a fortune teller and that you can read his mind. Tell him what he is feeling. Tell him what his motivations were.
- Never Acknowledge Your Own Faults. Blame everything on him. If he gives you feedback, turn it around on him. Bring up his past. Throw the irrelevant things from YEARS ago at him to defend against your glaring culpability. This will make sure he never feels safe talking at all.
- Embarrass Him in Public. Cause a scene, leave him places, or be so coldly infuriated and passive aggressive that EVERYONE knows how upset you are with him. Maybe pick a fight with his mother. This will make sure he doesn’t ever take you anywhere.
- Expect Him to Read Your Mind. Men are naturally not extremely intuitive. It is hard for us to read between the lines. Just hold your breath, hoping he understands your needs and feelings that you don’t even tell him, and that will skate him further down the alley toward typical.
- Stop Taking Pride in Your Appearance. Take the opposite approach he takes regarding food and exercise. Either a) let yourself go or b) become so freakishly fit that he doesn’t dare feel comfortable and is eyeing safer options in other women. Get dressed up only for OTHER people and OTHER events where he will not be. This will teach him that only other people deserve to see you looking pretty.
- Do Things For Him That You Shouldn’t. I don’t mean the laundry if he is working all day and you are not. I mean do things for him that he takes for granted. Drive him. Pay for things for him. Let him have sex with you when you don’t want it.
- Ridicule Him. Make fun of his football team when they lose. Tell him he is a fraud in his line of work. Criticize his efforts. Take out all of your junior high anger against the means girls who made you feel like a loser on him. That will turn him typical for sure.
Let me be clear about something. He is responsible for his own behavior. But if you have ANY kind of regular interaction with a man you see as failing, see if you are accidentally contributing to his poor choices. You’re important to him! You matter. And so often there is a circular causality in relationships. You don’t like what he is doing or not doing, but he is influenced by what YOU are doing are not doing. And the cycle continues toward dissolution.
I know this may seem to be saying that men’s behavior is perpetuated by others, removing the responsibility from the man who may already be trying to escape it. That’s not what I mean. But what if who we are and how we behave is simply a reflection of the way we believe our loved ones see us. I’ve heard 300 men say:
“She treats me like I’m cheating, I might as well be. She is beating me up verbally as if I am.”
I’ve heard 300 men say, “I try to stay as far away from her as possible, because she just stomps on me every day.”
You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
If you are the person who is feeding in to this negative type of behavior in a man who is not fully being quite what he is capable of, seek help. Get some perspective about how you can inspire healthier behavior in him. See what small changes you might make that can lift him back to a position of confidence so he is not resorting to destructive things just to feel a sense of power and control.
If you are the man who is being an idiot–regardless of how you are being treated–get with me, brother. I can help you.